Thursday, July 7, 2011

Review: Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. by Caissie St. Onge

Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever.
Author: Caissie St. Onge
Publication: Ember (May 10, 2011)

Description: For Jane Jones, being a vampire is nothing like you read about in books. In fact, it kind of sucks. She's not beautiful, she's not rich, and she doesn't "sparkle." She's just an average, slightly nerdy girl from an ordinary suburban family (who happens to be vampires.) Jane's from the wrong side of the tracks (not to mention stuck in the world's longest awkward phase), so she doesn't fit in with the cool vampire kids at school or with the humans kids. To top it all off, she's battling an overprotective mom, a clique of high school mean girls (the kind who really do have fangs), and the most embarrassing allergy in the history of the undead, she's blood intolerant. So no one's more surprised than Jane when for the first time in her life, things start to heat up (as much as they can for a walking corpse, anyway) with not one, but two boys. Eli's a geeky, but cute real-live boy in her history class, and Timothy is a beautiful, brooding bloodsucker, who might just hold the key to a possible "cure" for vampirism. Facing an eternity of high school pressure, fumbling first dates, or a mere lifetime together with Timothy, what's a 90-something year-old teen vampire to do?

Fans of the Vladmir Tod Chronicles, You are So Undead to Me, and Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side will feast on this deliciously readable, smart, and fantastically funny debut.

My Thoughts: This was an enjoyable story about a girl who is perpetually sixteen. She thinks of herself as a dork and an outsider. She is a vampire who is allergic to blood. But she is also bright and observant. I liked her comments and quips. While I didn't find the book "laugh out loud" funny, I did find a number of the comments and situations amusing. 

One of the plot threads has Jane deciding whether or not to take a very expensive cure along with her new admirer Timothy and leaving her family behind or staying with her family. It made me do a lot of thinking about the potential lifestyle of vampires. Who in their right mind would want to be sixteen forever? To be stuck in high school forever? To have to change locations every four years so that the people around you don't notice you not aging? This is not a very desirable lifestyle. Of course, Jane's younger brother Zachary will be almost ten forever. That would be even worse. 

The one advantage for Jane and Zachary is that their parents were made vampires too in the same incident. They became vampires during the Depression. They were starving and trying to make a living on a farm that was part of the Dust Bowl. The one thing they have going for them is that they are still a family. While Jane resents her over-protective mother, she still loves her. She adores her hard-working father who works nights at a factory to provide UV lighting). And she loves her younger brother who is a brilliant scientist stuck in an almost ten-year old body. 

School is a trial for Jane. She gets on the wrong side of vampire mean girl Astrid who is constantly putting her down. She also has a history teacher who is behaving most suspiciously. When she tracks down her address she finds that the teacher has glamored an old priest and is living in his rectory with another old, ill vampire. Seems the old, ill vampire is her husband and she needs to track down Jane's family to get their blood to try to cure him.

This was a very different look at vampires. It was also a good story about families. I think readers who like paranormal fiction will enjoy this story of the trials and tribulations of a teenage vampire.

Favorite Quote:
I sighed heavily. Scientists theorize that people sigh when they have low oxygen levels in their bodies. I theorize that teenagers, both human and vampire alike, have low oxygen in their bodies due to parental smothering.
I received the ARC from Amazon as a part of the Amazon Vine program. You can get your copy here.

1 comment:

  1. A blood intolerant vampire? Well, that's certainly something new and unexpected. I wonder what she eats then. Will I find my answer in the book? Anyway, I think I'll mark this title somewhere, just in case I have some spare money ^^


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